


Varian after the Dentist ;)

by RKG



Category: Tangled: The Series (Cartoon)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 09:11:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14829450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RKG/pseuds/RKG
Summary: Older!Varian has a horrid, painful dilemma. The only painkiller? Battlefield Rum.





	Varian after the Dentist ;)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to you peeps over on the Tangled Discord Server that helped dare me to do this. XD

"You think the little guy is okay in there?" asked Lance, wincing.

"I hope." grimaced Eugene.

The Royal Alchemist had awoken in terrible pain that morning, it was so bad he'd had to go to the royal medic since it hurt to talk. The verdict was, wisdom teeth, and they needed to be removed immediately.

Eugene remembered his own wisdom teeth removal, a number of years ago it had happened while a blacksmith was staying at the Snuggly Duckling, Attilla had been kind enough to punch him into oblivion while the blacksmith had readied the instruments. " _I do this as a friend_." he had said before leveling him to the floor.

"Maybe I should've asked Blondie to get a frying pan from the kitchen." muttered Eugene.

"The Royal Medic said he had something to make the pain go away." shrugged Lance. 

"That means the kid's still awake."

"Ooooh." Lance didn't like the sound of that. Thankfully, his own wisdom teeth had never bothered him.

Suddenly, the royal medic appeared, with a certain, swollen-faced alchemist beside him, wavering on his feet.

"Get him to the nearest bed you can find." said the royal medic. "He had to have a bit more painkiller than usual."

"Sure thing." said Eugene, taking one of Varian's arms. 

"Nngh..." mumbled Varian, leaning on Eugene.

"Hey kid, how are you feeling?"

"...got punched..." came the reply.

"Oh good, they knocked you out." said Eugene in relief.

"Not'n the good way." replied Varian, collapsing.

"Whoa, little guy!" cried Lance, catching him before he hit the floor. "I think this calls for the Lance wagon!" he said brightly, scooping the young alchemist up and cradling him like a small child.

Eugene smirked, he was well acquainted with "The Lance Wagon", there had been quite a few times in which he'd been incapacitated in the past where he had to rely on this particular mode of transportation. Fortunately, Varian was light. 

"Oh... here's the painkiller." said the royal medic, handing them a flask.

"What... oh my." Eugene stared at it. "How much did you give him, Doc?"

"In my experience, a thimblefull is plenty but once I mentioned painkiller, he swiped it from me and drained half the bottle."

"Wow, kid, didn't know you had it in you." chuckled Eugene. 

"He probably won't feel anything for awhile." said the medic. "If he does, make sure he gets only a sip."

"Got it. Just a sip. Come on Lance, let's go."

~*~*~*~

Varian only vaguely remembered the events from that morning, the blinding pain, the trouble talking... why did he still have trouble talking? Oh that's right, he'd gotten into a fight with a giant automaton and it had repeatedly punched him in the face.

Well, perhaps not repeatedly, he could only recall four times... in rapid succession. At least it had dulled the pain. Now all he wanted to do was sleep.

But part of him was afraid to sleep, what if the Automaton came back? What if it brought its friends? He slowly opened his eyes, and saw Lance above him. He breathed a sigh of relief. 

"Oh good..."

"Hey little buddy." smiled Lance. 

"L-Lance... if I asked you... would you fight the automaton for me?"

"Would I what now?" Lance seemed to be holding back laughter. But it was no laughing matter, the automaton was coming for them all! 

"The automaton... it got me... I can't fight it again." 

It was then that someone whispered something in Lance's ear. Was that Flynn Rider himself? Yes! Flynn Rider! He was saved!

"Sure little buddy." assured Lance, chuckling. "I'll take care of it for you."

"F-Flynn Rider... yay." muttered Varian, attempting to smile.. oh it hurt to smile.

"It's okay Varian, we got you." chuckled Flynn. He knew his name! How did he get on first name basis with Flynn Rider again? He couldn't quite remember.

He felt himself being laid down on something, it was made of the most expensive looking brocade.

"...Oooh a magic carpet..." he chuckled amusedly.

He saw Flynn Rider shake his head. "This is worse than I was during the week long party we had when Blondie came home."

Lance snorted.

"I like blondies..." replied Varian. "And brownies too. Can you make the carpet hover?"

He didn't know why they were looking at him like that, it was a perfectly logical question.

"Um... it's already hovering." Eugene improvised. "Can't you feel it?"

"No..." Varian pouted. 

"Well see, that's the thing about magic carpets. They're magic! So you can't feel it when they're flying. You wouldn't expect a magic carpet to give you a ride like a buckboard wagon, now would you?" continued Eugene, shooting Lance a helpless look. 

"Oh, certainly! Trust me, he knows what he's talking about... and so do I. I'm... the Sultan!" continued Lance.

Varian stared at them both in wonder. "You're the Sultan...? Awesome!!! Can you grant me three wishes?"

Eugene turned away to hide his laughter.

"I'm the Sultan, not a genie."

"Oh..." said Varian sadly.

Suddenly, Rapunzel walked up, she saw Varian on one of the chaise lounges in the castle, swinging his feet and bobbing his head from side to side like he was listening to some music only he could hear.

"What's wrong with him?"

"Wisdom teeth." muttered Eugene under his breath. 

Rapunzel grimanced. "Oh, the poor thing."

"Hi Princess." he waved at her, then promptly started giggling.

"What? Do I have something in my hair?" she asked.

"No... I just realized Princess is a funny word." he trailed off into giggles again.

"Do wisdom teeth make you act.. strange?" asked Rapunzel, as far as Eugene knew, Rapunzel was one of the lucky ones who had never had her wisdom teeth bother her.

"No, it's what they give you to kill the pain."

"The kid here drank an entire snootful." Lance pointed out, which sent Varian into giggles again.

"What?" asked Lance.

"Snoot... full..."

"So he's..." Rapunzel trailed off.

"Three sheets to the wind, Blondie." replied Eugene. "We're gonna let him sober up here while we go get his Dad."

"Do I need to do anything?" she asked, loooking vaguely uncomfortable. "I mean, he's laughing for no reason."

"Nah, he'll doze off in a minute."

"Good, I'll... go back to painting." said Rapunzel. 

"We'll be right back, little buddy." assured Eugene. 

"B-But.. the automatons...!" protested Varian weakly.

"Nah don't worry, the Sultan here has forbidden them from invading the palace." Eugene clapped Lance on the back.

"Thank you..." mumbled Varian, leaning back on the chaise lounge.

"Come on, while he's asleep." whispered Eugene, grabbing Lance by the arm.

~*~*~*~

Cassandra still didn't know why her duties as a lady included "light dusting", the palace had maids but she guessed it only happened on their day off. She entered the fourth drawing room, why on earth they needed so many she had no idea, maybe Queen Arianna was just giving Rapunzel random walls to paint once she discovered her daughter had a talent for painting. It certainly saved on wallpaper.

She didn't expect to find Varian lying, unconscious on the chaise lounge in the room.

She had heard from Rapunzel about what had happened but thought that his Dad had already taken him home. 

"Poor guy." she whispered, trying to go about her duties as quietly as possible.

However, it was not to be because someone had moved a giantic vase out of the corner and Cassandra hit her foot with a resounding clang. "Ohhhhh I'm going to kill Rider!" she cried out before thinking.

"N-No don't do that..." faltered a small voice. "H-He and the Sultan saved me from the automatons."

Cassandra blinked. "He did what?"

"The Sultan forbid them from entering the castle." Varian nodded very seriously.

"I see." said Cass, smirking.

"See? They punched me right in the face! Four times!" he pointed to his cheeks.

"Looks bad." commented Cass. "Um, before the automatons attacked you, did you have anything to drink?"

Varian reached far back into his memory. "Come to think of it... I... I did... oh that's why they were mad at me, I drank all the turpentine."

" _All_?" asked Cassandra.

"Yeah but I had to... to be able to fight them." 

Cassandra wanted to break out into laughter right there but thought better of it. "I didn't know that's what you had to do to be able to fight them."

"Mmhmm." Varian nodded proudly. "And I drank alllllllllll of it. They just caught me off-guard." he assured her.

"We all have bad days." said Cassandra reassuringly, patting his hand.

"You're so pretty, Cassandra." he commented, looking at her dreamily. "Can I have your babies?"

Cassandra blinked before giggling. "That's not scientifically possible, kid."

"It's not? Awww..." he muttered sadly before rolling over and passing out again.

Cassandra hurried out of the room to crack up laughing.

~*~*~*~

"He had HOW much Battlefield Rum?!" asked Quirin.

"The Royal medic said he grabbed it out of his hands and downed it, it was really beyond our control." said Eugene, rubbing the back of his neck uneasily. Quirin was a tall, imposing figure but get him angry and he was downright terrifying.

"Yeah, we weren't in there."

"Light in Heaven, it would figure..." sighed Quirin. "Take me to him."

It didn't take long for them to reach the castle's fourth drawing room. As soon as the door opened a bleary-eyed Varian greeted them from his place on the chaise-lounge.

"Hi Daddy!" he waved.

Quirin shook his head and suppressed a smile, it reminded him of 8 year old Varian so much. He went over to his son and grasped his hand. Varian bounced in his seat excitedly.

"I fought the Automatons Dad, are you proud of me?"

Quirin closed his eyes and chuckled, he was no stranger to battlefield rum, or its effects. "What can I say? Like Father, like son."


End file.
